Writing Benchmark 2009 - Question 2 - Rating: A

Original material provided by UMich ELI may be found here.
           

Examination for the Certificate of Proficiency in English (ECPE)
Writing Section

Benchmark Set 2009

The following composition was written by an ECPE examinee and scored using the 5-point ECPE Writing scale.

Many popular movies are based on books. Some people believe the book versions are better than the movie versions. Which do you prefer? Why? Support your answer with specific examples.

Rating: A

Nowadays, various blockbuster movies are based on books. This has resulted in people debating about which version is better, the movie or the book. In my opinion, reading a book is more preferable for a number of reasons.
 

To begin with, books allow the reader to let his/her imagination free and imagine the plot taking place any way s/he wants. The reader is free to set up the scenery s/he wishes in his mind and not as the director of the movie maker would visualize it. For instance, he may be able to decide whether it’s a sunny or rainy day, whether it’s morning or evening, whether the actor is happy or sad.
 

Moreover, books give the reader more time flexibility. That means that at any time they want they have the opportunity to leave the book and continue reading it later. In addition, they have the ability to take the book with them. For example, if they have to go to work they could take the book with them and read it on the bus. Another option would be to take the book in the park and read it there enjoying the nice weather and greenery at the same time.
 

Furthermore, books give the opportunity to the reader to let the information sink in at their own time. For example, if a reader is reading a mystery novel s/he can take the time s/he wants in order to try and hypothesize what might have happened, before s/he reaches the end.
 

On the other hand, it needs to be acknowledged that move versions may offer greater excitement due to the special effects and action used. However, this is only for a short period of time – as long as the movie lasts, whereas the excitement books offer may be of lesser degree but last longer.
 

Overall, although [essay is unfinished]

Commentary

This is an example of a low “A” band essay. The introduction begins well; the writer rephrases the prompt in his/her own words and shows that he/she has understood the question. The final sentence of the paragraph makes clear the writer’s point of view. The organization is well-controlled and appropriate to the material. Connections are smooth and sometimes unusual (e.g., “moreover”). The writer structures the argument very well, making an abstract claim and then providing a concrete example (e.g., paragraph 3). This demonstrates the writer’s ability to present his/her ideas in different ways to clarify his/her meaning effectively. One side of the topic is richly, fully, and complexly developed and the other side of the topic is also addressed competently.
 

Sentence structures are varied, complex and accurate. Morphological (word forms) control is nearly always accurate. The writer also appropriately uses a broad range of vocabulary including idiomatic phrasal verbs (e.g., “sink in,” paragraph 4) and modifiers (e.g., “it needs to be acknowledged”, paragraph 5).
 

However, it is important to note that the essay is unfinished. This suggests that the writer needed to take time to ensure the high level of grammatical accuracy and to select appropriate vocabulary. This in turn suggests that his/her language resources are not as “automatic” as you might expect for a very proficient writer. However, the quality of the text produced is excellent and this is why an “A” should be awarded.

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Writing Benchmark 2009 - Question 2 - Rating: B

Original material provided by UMich ELI may be found here.
           

Examination for the Certificate of Proficiency in English (ECPE)
Writing Section

Benchmark Set 2009

The following composition was written by an ECPE examinee and scored using the 5-point ECPE Writing scale.

Many popular movies are based on books. Some people believe the book versions are better than the movie versions. Which do you prefer? Why? Support your answer with specific examples.

Rating: B

Nowadays, more than ever before, cinema has evolved into a huge industry. Thousands of movies are being directed and watched every year, providing entertainment to the public. However, fresh ideas seem to be depleted and consequently screenwriters try to be inspired by masterpieces of literature. But are the movies based on books of equal artistic value? As far as I am concerned, I tend to believe that the book version is in most of the times better.

To begin with, reading is a great way of broaden up someone’s mind. While reading a novel, we have the chance to form the characters as we delight and intrigue our imagination. Places and situations are delineated the way the reader is wishing and not according to the director’s point of view.

In addition to that, books are always more detailed. It is more than natural that a two-hour film cannot encompass a whole novel in it. As a result, details that may seem important for the plot during reading a book do not appear during the movie. A striking example of this is the movie version of Lord of the Rings. Though I enjoyed watching the film, having read the book previously, I was disappointed not to watch some of the details that I considered crucial for the story.

However, there is always the other side of the coin. A book needs days or even weeks to be read while a movie is an entertaining procedure that lasts a few hours. A further advantage is that movies make the public familiar with writers and books that have contributed greatly in modern culture and thus provoke people to start reading.

All in all, though I definitely prefer reading a book to watching the movie version, I am of the opinion that the latter can also be beneficial to the public provided that it is directed with respect to the original story.

Commentary

This essay has a clear introduction. The writer rephrases the essay prompt very well and this demonstrates that he/she has understood the topic. By the end of the paragraph the writer also makes his/her point of view clear.

The topic is clearly and completely developed with acknowledgement of its complexity (see paragraph 4, “there is always the other side of the coin…”). Organization is controlled and each paragraph contains a clear main point which is connected logically to the subsequent paragraphs. As a result a coherent argument is developed.

Both simple and complex syntax are adequately used but the writer tends to prefer simple sentence structures. Additionally, some constructions are clumsy and unidiomatic (e.g., “the way the reader is wishing,” paragraph 2). Vocabulary use shows flexibility but words are sometimes used incorrectly or imprecisely (e.g., “intrigue,” paragraph 2, is a nice word but is used inappropriately here).

Finally, the conclusion is clearly marked (with “all in all”) but seems rushed. It is as though the writer ran out of time. Overall, this is a “B” level essay.

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Writing Benchmark 2009 - Question 2 - Rating: C

Original material provided by UMich ELI may be found here.
           

Examination for the Certificate of Proficiency in English (ECPE)
Writing Section

Benchmark Set 2009

The following composition was written by an ECPE examinee and scored using the 5-point ECPE Writing scale.

Many popular movies are based on books. Some people believe the book versions are better than the movie versions. Which do you prefer? Why? Support your answer with specific examples.

Rating: C

For a long time has the world been imersed into a cultural darkness and for a long time information and knowledge have been priceless.

With the advent of the popular reproduction of books – printing them, instead of hand-copying them – a new cultural dimension has been created and with that the socialization of ideas and the observation of new horizons for those who sought scientific breakthroughs or leisure.

Books are mostly important because they allow you not only to expose your ideas and ideals but also because they allow your imagination and personal experience to participate, interpretating the author’s ideas based on some of your own ideas and your cultural background and that is one of the reasons I have to advocate for the books’ cause: they amplify your mind’s horizons, lifting you up to a higher level as if you could almost reach the stars with your imagination.

Whereas the books have this much importance for the mankind in general, the movies represent a new kind of art. Expressing your ideas using images and people to make the books stories come true can be tricky and intricating, even so, they tend to limit your imagination because what you see, you see through other people’s eyes. In conclusion, books will never be overwhelmed by the movies as they are a fountain of unchenqueable fire since your imagination has no limits.

 

Commentary

This essay does not have a traditional introduction. The opening sentence (paragraph 1) is very elegantly written but is meaningless. Paragraph 2 is also just one long sentence and is just as unfocused as paragraph 1. This type of opening language is encouraged in some writing cultures but is not appropriate when writing in English.

In the rest of the essay both sides of the topic are addressed but not completely or with acknowledgement of its complexity. In fact, the essay only makes one point; a book is mentally and emotionally enriching.

The sentence structures in this essay are generally very complex and long; the writer has good control over multiple subordinate clauses. There are also many elegant, low-frequency words. This could lead to the conclusion that the essay should receive a high grade. However, there are numerous collocation errors and vocabulary is not always used appropriately or correctly. For instance, it is not at all clear what the writer means by the phrases “the socialization of ideas” and “the observation of new horizons.” Additionally, in paragraph 3, “expose” does not collocate with “ideas.”

Finally, the punctuation in this essay is sometimes distracting; some of the sentences should have been broken up into two or more shorter sentences. Overall, this is a “C” level essay.

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Writing Benchmark 2009 - Question 2 - Rating: D

Original material provided by UMich ELI may be found here.
           

Examination for the Certificate of Proficiency in English (ECPE)
Writing Section

Benchmark Set 2009

The following composition was written by an ECPE examinee and scored using the 5-point ECPE Writing scale.

Many popular movies are based on books. Some people believe the book versions are better than the movie versions. Which do you prefer? Why? Support your answer with specific examples.

Rating: D

It is an undeniable fact that many famous movies are based on novels, which makes them even more popular. However, it is widely debated whether the movies or the books are better. This issue have made two groups of people, which of whom strongly support their opinion.
 

Some books have had enormous success and are considered all time classics. The “perfume”, “Da Vinci Code”, “Alexander The Great”, etc. have gained people’s admiration and are getting known from generation to generation. Almost in every home there are some famous novels like those.
 

One the other hand, great movies, which are based on novels, have been created. With huge care and a really high budget brilliant movies have forged people to fullfil the cinemas. The enormous movies industry have  succeed to form a movie in a great similarity to its source-novel.
 

Athought this huge effort, in my opinion it is impossible to be a real transformation of the book’s elements to a film. The imagination world that we can find in books can’t be replaced by a movie. Books make us imagine and participate to the scenes in our mind. “Alexander The Great” as a movie, for instance make a lot of people dissapointed.
 

Consequently, as hard as movie industry can try cannot replace books with movies. Books will always be in the first place of our heart.

Commentary

The introduction paraphrases the prompt and indicates that there is debate on the issue. From the outset, however, there are signs that the writer is not very proficienct. First, the language used is a little strong (e.g., “it is an undeniable fact”). The strong language used suggests more controversy than the prompt actually implies. Second, the final sentence of the introduction is muddled and the reader has to make considerable effort to understand what is meant.

The remainder of the essay develops the topic simply. The writer gives examples of three books and states that these are very popular. He/she then states that some films are extremely popular. However, the essay does not clearly develop the reasons for these claims. As a result, the essay is unsuccessful in its attempts to address different perspectives on the topic.
 

The essay contains numerous, low-level grammatical errors (e.g., articles, plurals, tense and aspect, and prepositions). The reader has to pay close attention to understand what the writer is trying to say. Additionally, words are used inappropriately to the point that they cause confusion (e.g., “forged,”, “fullfil,” and “form”—all in paragraph 3).
 

Overall, the reader has to make considerable effort to understand what the writer is trying to say. This is indicative of a “D” band essay.

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Writing Benchmark 2009 - Question 1 - Rating: A

Original material provided by UMich ELI may be found here.
           

Examination for the Certificate of Proficiency in English (ECPE)
Writing Section

Benchmark Set 2009

The following composition was written by an ECPE examinee and scored using the 5-point ECPE Writing scale.

Some psychologists claim that people inherit most of their personality traits from their parents. Do you think this is true? Give specific examples from your own experience to support your viewpoint.

Rating: A

Many believe that children are a mirror of their household. Scientists in the social fields such as psychologists and behavioral specialists agree that the majority of ones personality traits are inherited from ones parents. Though it is not the only factor surely environment plays a major role in ones development and hence personality and behavior.

Genetics and environment are both referred to in this claim. Though it can be argued that environment plays a larger role in the development of ones personality than genes. This argument is supported by the instances in which children born of the same parents but raised in different households (as the result of adoption, for example) turn out to have very different mannerisms, behavior, and personality. This also occurs all the time with children born of the same parents in the same household. Siblings very often differ greatly in terms of their personalities. Even if they are raised in the same environment, the rearing and the treatment they receive within that environment can differ greatly.

It is true though that oftentimes one resembles the personality of their father or mother, or a mixture of both. This is unavoidable as ones parents are typically the main influence on a child from early on in their lives and including the times they are most impressionable. This can have both negative and positive results. One can grow up to be a responsible, caring, generous, and compassionate individual if they recieved and witnessed such treatment from a young age. On the other hand it is very common for children from abusive households to become abusers themselves one day, as well as to have negative affects on their mental and stability.

Personally I very much resemble the personality and mannerisms of my father. We are both generally quiet and shy, and share many of the same mannerisms. While my mother and my brother have very expressive and
extraverted personalities.

One really is a product of their environment. Their future behavior and personality is greatly influenced by their parents are their major influences from a young age. Though this is a complicated area, that brings the social, behavioral, and biological sciences together to consider the affects of both genetics and environment on personality.

Commentary

This essay develops the topic fully and completely; the examinee addresses both the “inheritance” and “environmental influence” sides of the argument (though the “environmental influence” side is treated more fully). The introduction is particularly strong. It addresses the question directly. Secondly, it provides the writer’s understanding of the prompt by rephrasing the question rather than copying it word for word. Thirdly, it gives the writer’s point of view.

Some aspects of the organization and connection could be improved. For instance, the writer does not put all the arguments in favor of inheritance together and all the arguments in favor of environmental influences together. Also the writer repeatedly uses the connector “though” incorrectly. When “though” is used, the reader expects a two-part sentence where the second part of the sentence contains contrasting information to the first part of the sentence. Because this error occurs more than once in the text we have to presume that the writer did not learn this structure correctly.

However, these flaws do not impede the flow of information. Also, the essay has very strong grammar/syntax
and vocabulary. The writer correctly uses a wide range of syntactic structures and some very complex modifiers; for example, “very often differ greatly.” Additionally, he/she uses a broad range of vocabulary that is both powerful and appropriate to the meaning and context of the essay. For instance, in the final sentence of paragraph 1, the writer begins with the word “surely.” This is a very simple but powerful indicator of his/her position and is extremely effective. Also, in the second sentence of paragraph 3, the writer uses the modifier “typically.” This is a very appropriate choice and would be expected in an academic essay.

There are some repeated punctuation errors (e.g., “one’s” is persistently spelled as “ones”), but these are rare and insignificant.

Overall, this essay has been awarded an “A” because it provides a balanced answer to the question, addressing both sides of the argument. It also uses a variety of complex grammatical structures accurately and makes very appropriate and powerful choices of vocabulary.

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Writing Benchmark 2009 - Question 1 - Rating: B

Original material provided by UMich ELI may be found here.
           

Examination for the Certificate of Proficiency in English (ECPE)
Writing Section

Benchmark Set 2009

The following composition was written by an ECPE examinee and scored using the 5-point ECPE Writing scale.

Some psychologists claim that people inherit most of their personality traits from their parents. Do you think this is true? Give specific examples from your own experience to support your viewpoint.

Rating: B

It is a fact that we all inherit many characteristics from our family and especially our parents. But in spite of the external characteristics that we inherit, there are also many traits of our demeanor which seem to have been inherited from our parents. This psychologists’ view is true, but there are many cases when people’s personality traits are created by other circumstances.

In my view many personality characteristics are inherited from parents. For instance when a person is nimble or has an answer for whatever he is told, this trait is based on his parents’ same trait. A good example is my sister. She is always ready to give an answer for almost everything others tell her and my father has exactly the same trait. So, in this case, many may believe that my sister’s demeanor has been inherited from my father.

Additionally, sensitivity is another personality trait that could be inherited. From my own experience, I am as sensitive as my mother is and this may have been inherited from her. On the other hand, both my father and my sister are not so sensitive.

Of course, there are many other traits that are not supposed to be inherited from parents. For example, being stubborn or audacious doesn’t necessarily mean that it is due to our parents. It may be created by other circumstances such as friends, co-workers and in general other people that we have relationships with.

All things considered, having a certain demeanor may be due to a variety of circumstances, one of which is the inheritance from parents’ personality traits. Of course every one of us may have some special traits that can not be the same for any other person and this is what makes people different.

Commentary

This essay develops the topic completely, with acknowledgement of its complexity. Like Essay #1 it has a promising introduction; it addresses the question directly and the writer signals his/her point of view, stating that he/she broadly agrees with the psychologists’ point of view (i.e., “inheritance”). Additionally, the viewpoint that “environmental influences” can influence your personality is also introduced in the final sentence of the introduction. This suggests that the essay will present a balanced argument.

The essay is generally well organized using a relatively simple rhetorical structure. For instance, in paragraph 2 the writer describes a characteristic. He/she then attributes feature to his/her sister, saying their father is the same. This provides proof of the claim that we do inherit our personality traits from our parents. This paragraph also shows that the writer can make smooth connections between sentences.  

The essay displays a range of syntactic structures and is generally very accurate. The writer shows that he/she can use subordinate clauses effectively; for example, “All things considered, having a certain demeanor may be due to a variety of circumstances, one of which is the inheritance from parents’ personality traits” (paragraph 5).

The vocabulary use shows flexibility and is usually appropriate but there are limitations. For instance, some connectors between sentences are misused or absent (e.g., “But in spite of” is incorrect and inappropriately used in the introductory paragraph; “From my own experience” is not appropriately used in paragraph 3). These slips do not confuse meaning and on other occasions the connectors used are effective (e.g., “of course” and “all things considered”). Nevertheless they indicate that the writer does not have full control over his/her vocabulary. Another example of this shortcoming is in paragraph 3 where the writer uses “sensitivity”/“sensitive” three times. If the word had been used once and then synonyms been used for the other two mentions this would have helped the reader to better understand the concept being described. Does the writer mean that he/she and his/her mother are more easily hurt? Or does “sensitive” here mean that they are more aware of other people’s feelings?

Overall, even though the essay develops the argument well and has very good grammar and vocabulary, the essay has limitations that make it a good example of a “B” level performance.

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Writing Benchmark 2009 - Question 1 - Rating: C

Original material provided by UMich ELI may be found here.
           

Examination for the Certificate of Proficiency in English (ECPE)
Writing Section

Benchmark Set 2009

The following composition was written by an ECPE examinee and scored using the 5-point ECPE Writing scale.

Some psychologists claim that people inherit most of their personality traits from their parents. Do you think this is true? Give specific examples from your own experience to support your viewpoint.

Rating: C

Some psychologists claim that people inherit most of their personality from their parents and I agree to some extend.

When babies are born, they show their personality. The way they behave, the way they cry or even when they are hungry, the way they ask for food shows or give us an indea of how his/her personality is going to be. From the very beginning you can listen people making comments like “he is sweet”. “she’s got bad temper”, “she wants to control everybody,” etc.

Some of these “sweet”, “bad-tempered”, “controller” babies happened to be different when they grow up. They grow up in an environment and the tend to do what they see.

There are children who have problems at school. They fight, say bad words, don’t have respect for their teacher nor their peers. They show an aggressive personality but sometimes they don’t want to have those kind of reactions. 

Renzo is a very intelligent and sweet boy who has problems at school. If teachers treat him with love, pacience and respect, he produces good work and has no problem with his friends, but if somebody pushes him as an accident he reacts violently.

We have had interviews with his parents and we found out that his mother treats him the same way he treats people at school. Therefore, this boy might have a lovely personality but because of this influence and example of his mother he reacts differently.

On the other hand we have children who have parents that are quite aggressive and the children are sweet, delicate, kind.

Therefore I can conclude saying that we born with our own personality but life might change it, sometimes for better and some for not. As adults we have to be aware of this and as we live in a society we need to know how to control our personality. We need to know how to behave in different situations. If you need to be polite be polite.

Commentary

The opening paragraph gives a poor first impression; the first half of the introductory sentence of this essay is copied from the prompt and the second half could be rote-learned language. Copying directly from the prompt is an indication of a weak writer who does not have a broad enough vocabulary to use his/her ownwords to rephrase the essay question.

Though the introduction is weak, the topic is developed on both sides (“inheritance” and “environmental influence”). The writer even tries to show how complex the topic is by giving examples of children who are affected by the behavior of their parents and children who are not (see paragraphs 6 and 7). The organization is also generally controlled and the paragraphs are in a logical order. However, connections are sometimes absent or unsuccessful and after paragraph 2 the essay has no clear argument thread. Instead, each paragraph feels like a separate “vignette” rather than part of a cohesive whole.

Both simple and complex syntax are present but most sentences are relatively simple (with “and” or “but” connectors). There are also a number of different grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement, missing prepositions, and incorrect tense choices. For instance, paragraph 3 has a number of small grammatical errors that the reader has to mentally correct while reading.

The vocabulary is adequate but not always appropriately used. For instance, in paragraph 6 the examinee writes, “We have had interviews….” “Had” is an efficient word choice but not contextually appropriate. “Conducted” would be more appropriate.

Overall this essay shows that the writer can express his/her ideas but lacks the language resources to makepoints effectively. This is very typical of a “C” level essay.

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Writing Benchmark 2009 - Question 1 - Rating: D

Original material provided by UMich ELI may be found here.
           

Examination for the Certificate of Proficiency in English (ECPE)
Writing Section

Benchmark Set 2009

The following composition was written by an ECPE examinee and scored using the 5-point ECPE Writing scale.

Some psychologists claim that people inherit most of their personality traits from their parents. Do you think this is true? Give specific examples from your own experience to support your viewpoint.

Rating: D

Nowadays, it is a common belief that children are influence in a great variety of things by their parents. They try to learn as much as they can in order to be more polite, responsible and feel satisfaction with themselves. As a result, they create a personality that is based on many things that they trait from their parents. But this sometimes doesn’t make good to their development. Anyway, it is an ambivalent topic that needs a lot of discussion.

First of all, in my point of view people inherit much more that we can image from they way that their parents live in order to have a right education. Some of them try to learn the way that they think, to make the same friends, to have common habits, to have rights that only adults can have. For example, many of today’s children want to follow their father’s or mother’s footsteps and do the same job. Actually, they have been clung to them in such a great point that they feel that way of success and better life in that. Their behaviour also to some of their old friends and other persons has changed dramatically. They ignore their help, advise and feel that their friendship has nothing to provide them.

On the other hand, some children do not be influenced in that way by their parents. They certainly listen to their advise and learn a lot from what they say but want to be much more independent, and don’t make their mind to them. They think that they can do things better in their own and don’t trust others easily. That kind of people don’t have the ideal relationships with their parents and go away their home as soon as they can.

To sum up, I would like to tell again that people inherit most of their personality traits from their parents.They become like them in many ways that represent  their beliefs and willings. I believe that this is good and should be continued in order our society to be progressed.

Commentary

The opening paragraph of this essay seems to address the writing prompt but not precisely. It seems to be about “learning” things from one’s parents; this is the “environmental influence” side of the topic. However, the core idea of the writing prompt, which is about the characteristics that we “inherit” from our parents, is not discussed. Even though the writer uses the word “inherit” more than once during the essay, all the examples relate to whether children are more influenced by their upbringing or by their wider environment (each a different aspect of the “environmental influence” side of the argument) and are not about the characteristics that we are born with. It is possible that the writer did not fully understand the essay prompt and, as a result, his/her attempts to address different aspects of the topic were unsuccessful.

The grammar is also problematic. Morphological errors are frequent (e.g., “satisfaction” instead of “satisfied” in paragraph 1, and “image” instead of “imagine” in paragraph 2). Also, though simple sentences tend to be accurate, more complex ones tend to be inaccurate. For example, “Actually, they have been clung to them…and better life in that” (paragraph 2) is so garbled that the meaning is impossible to retrieve.

The vocabulary is limited in range and is sometimes inappropriately used to the point that it causes confusion. For instance, the writer says, “to have rights that only adults can have” (paragraph 2) and “don’t make their mind to them” (paragraph 3). These are vague and the reader cannot be sure of the precise meaning intended. Additionally, the writer makes incorrect word choices such as “trait” instead of “inherit,” and “willings” instead of “wishes.”

Even though it is possible to retrieve the gist of this essay, the text is confusing and garbled throughout, with many “huh” moments. Essays such as this, where the reader can grasp the main meaning intended but needs to work hard to reformulate many individual sentences, are very good examples of a “D” level essay.

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Writing Benchmark 2009 - Question 1 - Rating: E

Original material provided by UMich ELI may be found here.
           

Examination for the Certificate of Proficiency in English (ECPE)
Writing Section

Benchmark Set 2009

The following composition was written by an ECPE examinee and scored using the 5-point ECPE Writing scale.

Some psychologists claim that people inherit most of their personality traits from their parents. Do you think this is true? Give specific examples from your own experience to support your viewpoint.

Rating: E

I am writting about the thought which have some psychologists. They claim that people inherit most of theirpersonality traits from their parents. I believe that this is absolutely true.

First of all, until we could leave from our home and our parents and if we will be able to live in a house alone or with our children and wife, we live with our parents yet. We are growing up with them. We inherit some of their personality traits. They are the people who birth us and actually is logical to inherit their characterist of their face and more their personality traits.

If you grow with a family who are outgoing persons, you will inherit this and you won’t have problems with other people. We will go out with your friends and generally you will have open mind head for many thinks about the life. If the family argue every day for rediculous reasons, the child maybe has problems with his confidence because the child learn to solve his problems with fights.

On the other hand, the children inherit the love, the kind from their parents and with them will grow. They inherit the kindness and the confidence to go on their lifes when their parents die.

I inherit the love and the kindness from my parents. We learn to talk and solve our problems inside from this. We have normal life. I want to inherit this to my children.

Commentary 

 

The writer attempts an introduction but copies a lot from the original wording of the prompt. Therefore, it is not clear from the outset whether the writer has actually understood the prompt. The rest of the essay develops the topic very simply, particularly the examples given to show how our parent’s behavior can affect our behavior. Connections between ideas are often absent or unsuccessful. For example at the beginning of paragraph 4, the writer says, “on the other hand.” This connector is used to indicate that an opposing point of view is going to be presented. However, what follows seems to be corroborating evidence.
 

There are pervasive and basic errors in sentence structure (e.g., word order, articles, and prepositions) that cause confusion. Incorrect use of vocabulary also causes confusion. For instance, the writer uses meaningless, canned phrases (e.g., “you won’t have problems with other people”) and L1 influence is clearly evident. There are many unclear phrases; for example, “birth us,” “characterist of their face,” “open mind head.”  

 

Overall the essay requires a lot of effort to decode and it is never clear whether the writer has understood the
word “inherit” from the prompt. This persistent lack of meaningfulness is characteristic of an “E” level Essay.

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